Caught in the Middle

Celebrating a baby shower like anybody else

I had a girl come to my baby shower very pregnant, and found out she had her LO the very next day If going to someone else's shower pregnant is tacky, then I'm in big trouble. Being pregnant at someone elses baby shower is hardly oneupmanship, you're just pregnant. One of my friends was pregnant at my baby shower and I thought it was awesome! I think it would be pretty unreasonable to expect that no pregnant women other than the one being honored attend a shower. If it's worth noting, I'm not just a little pregnant - I'll be 32 weeks at the time of the shower. She is having a baby shower at the end of the month and I am of course invited.


Where There Is Room To Grow


I was just at a shower where three women were pregnant - and that's not even counting the woman who the shower was for!


Then at the shower, I would steer every single comment about my own pregnancy to the pregnancy of my friend. It shouldn't matter you're pregnant, just I get what you're saying: if she's so early, you'll be the obviously pregnant one there. If you're worried about turning up and her seeing you're pregnant, just drop her a line and let her know before you turn up. If you give her a heads up, that hey, you're pregnant too but since it's the third its not exciting news and you can't wait to see her and celebrate her soon to be baby, I think that is incredibly supportive. So now, I'm a bit torn - I would love to take a mini-break and go home for a long weekend , but I wasn't sure if attending a baby shower while pregnant was tacky/gauche.


I'm not the person you replied to, but I think it would make sense to tell her before the baby shower and then let her decide if she wants you at the shower or not. When I was about 32 weeks I hosted a friend's baby shower. My husband's cousin attended our shower while she was pregnant and no one considered it tacky.

In This Together

Upping the Score


I would honestly be more concerned about her reaction to you never telling her that you're pregnant. Most baby showers I go to have multiple pregnant women and new babies in attendance. It's pretty exciting that you're pregnant at the same time, so let that show if you do. Isn't it to early for a baby shower at 14-16w? If one of my friends showed up to my shower and I had no clue - I'd be really hurt. Maybe its because I'm not from the US, but I can't imagine why attending an event whilst pregnant could ever be considered tacky.

and there were three other pregnant women attending = total of FIVE pregnant women out of 12. This is the last time she'll be on our side of the pond before the baby is born. She is your friend and having a shower in the area, of course your celebrate her pregnancy! I think you would be upstaging if you made a point of talking about yourself and your pregnancy the whole time. She's definitely struggled for a number of years and is just now pregnant after multiple rounds of in vitro. I think you're on the right track to be cognizant and sensitive about this. If guests at the shower keep prodding you about your belly, just say its your third and your really excited for your friend. I'd actually just be nervous that someone who didn't know her well would think that I were the one whose shower it was. I wouldn't really mind if I was her, but I guess I can understand your concern.

Not that I'd be showing off by any means, but I wouldn't want to take attention away from her. I think I mentioned it somewhere else but she can be very sensitive and insecure. It sounds like you are very level headed about it and actively do not want to draw attention to yourself. So I would say first of all you absolutely need to warn her you are also pregnant. If you two are close I would just call her and tell her you are pregnant to give her alone time to process.

She's struggled a lot to get pregnant whereas it's been relatively easy for me. In fact, when she inevitably says "you're pregnant too, why didn't you tell me?" I guess I was worried that it may seem like I was peacock-ing around with my big belly. I would definitely let her know you are expecting now as opposed to just showing up and surprising her. You two seem to be really good friends and I think you would be able to talk about this openly with her. I'm sure a few people will ask your questions too, but it wouldn't take away from her big day


Make the Most Out of the Baby Shower


The last baby shower I went to was about six weeks ago, and holy hell was it awful. I mean, seriously why do they all have to be gendered in the first place? What does it do? I've been to one baby shower post knowing I was trans and it was just. I remember a couple years ago I went to a bridal shower, played traditional God-awful games like that clothespin game. My mother in law threw me a surprise women-only baby shower. I won the game of not saying the word "baby" and I got some nail polish/manicure kit as a prize "/ I imagine I'll be going to one soon. They are gender fluid tho so I doubt it'll be typically gender exclusive when time for a shower comes. The only good thing was that it really REALLY cemented the fact that I was trans -- up to that point I hadn't been 100% sure. I strongly dislike gendered shit like that, and feel that 'women' get the shit end of the stick. I didn't know baby showers were girls only XD.

The Small Wonders

Make the Baby Shower Something for Everyone


I'm gonna have one that's for everybody.

And I was one of the people organizing the thing, so I felt like I couldn't leave until it was over. The husband had a dude equivalent to a bridal shower, but all the guys got to go paintballing and out for a pint afterward. My mom actually got invited to a baby shower earlier today and I made a joke that the only reason I transitioned is so I don't have to go to one ever again.

Being around 30 women all talking about babies really made it obvious that I am not cis. Ugh I do not want to go, but it's for a good friend, so I feel obligated. I find the gendered socializing that's enforced on me increasingly difficult so I totally get how you feel about this. I skip as many as I can, but I don't want to isolate myself either. I wouldn't necessarily notice if there were no men there because there's pretty much only women in my family anyways. I hope that at some point in my life I will get invited to a dude's bachelor party.

Tonight's event is Jack-And-Jill and more of a potluck than ooh-and-ah-over-baby clothes kind of thing, so hopefully there will be a few dudes there. I'm only out to a very few people, so I consistently get invited to very gendered events like Ladies' Nights and Showers and shit.

My spouse assured me that had they been consulted, they would have shut that shit down fast. but they weren't.

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The Whole Coed Shower


The whole coed shower is one way to save you from the gendered baby shower.


My family has always done coed showers, and let me tell you some of the funniest family memories we have are of my uncles playing shower games! :P I hate going to them too! I wouldn't mind going to a shower like that. If you don't feel like going, don't go! I've always found it weird how heavily gendered they always are since people tend to have them before they even have the baby.

Not only that, but I was stuck in a room with women I couldn't relate to, no matter how hard I tried.

I am RSVP'ing no to most of them, but I know this will lead to lectures and grief from family members. My sister had men and a keg at her baby shower. And don't even get me started on how much I want to barf when I see a pregnant belly. At one, you had to pay a forfeit if you said the word baby. Plenty of men are excited when a baby is coming, and should be included also! I absolutely HATE it and I cannot sympathize or relate at all.

"Hey guys come to this party I'm throwing where I waste money on stupid games and decor so YOU can buy me things for my baby!" The last wedding shower I went to, the couple has been living together for 4 years.

I don't live near her so it was mostly for her friends, not mine, and I figured why not let her do it? I don't think I'd attend an acquaintance's shower, seems a little personal to be inviting strangers. It was men & women at a backyard BBQ, and the only shower-type thing about it was people leaving presents. They say it takes a village to raise a child- apparently they mean it takes a village of women only. But I can't help but feel a bit isolated as I have nothing to bring to the conversation. Mostly because all of my friends have kids and when I go that's usually what the conversations revolve around. I think that its nice that my friends want me to share in their happiness of having a kid. Just have to hang in there and keep going plus work 2 jobs at times.

Most others I'm iffy on as I will not be much of a conservationist nor play gross games. The bride to be just came off as fake and ungrateful, she didn't thank anyone or even send a thank you card.

But if I were invited to a female only shower, and I didn't even know the person? My advice, move to an entirely different part of the country, that way you will always have an excuse for skipping family events. I ran into a couple I used to be super close with and the girl had their 4 month old strapped to her chest. I usually bite my tongue about my distain for all things baby related just to avoid drama :/ I guess I should start being more vocal so I can stop getting invited to showers Don't go. Why not have a barbecue instead with burgers and beer for everyone to come hang out casually to share your excitement? Just say you are unable to attend, and remember, if you don't attend the shower you are under no obligation to provide a gift. I don't tend to talk unless I have something to say. The one for my niece had no gross games, was treated more as a family party, and had Panda Express cater.

I don't like kids, and I'm not good with them but I like my friends so I coo over the ultrasound photos and the itty-bitty clothing they get. At least in my case I'm going to the wedding! Turns out they are all correct, I can't even try to want to touch or be around babies.

like I said, most of the guests were her friends, tons of old ladies whom I barely knew. She's inviting both men and women from our group and I don't want them to buy me anything new so reused baby stuff or just bringing food to share. I would LOVE to move away to have a really good excuse It's all about stuff. As for gifts, I don't ever buy anything expensive, just a couple books with puppets in them. I spent two hours putting it together and I never got a thank you!.